Crabs

What goes wrong

Your balls / pubic area get incredibly itchy.

It’s caused by

Pubic lice which are not absolutely the same as head lice, as they seem to like your pubic rather than your head – hair. Left untreated, they will just breed and breed.

The lice look like little crabs, are nearly transparent and a bit smaller than the head of a match; and the eggs on the hair are pinhead-sized and flesh-coloured.

How not to get it

Don’t sleep with anyone who scratches down there a lot as they are a sexually transmitted infection.

What to do if you do get it

Nip to the pharmacy and buy some special anti crab lotion. Check out ‘what’ with your local pharmacist – they won’t be embarrassed or embarrassing. That should stop you feeling lousy (ho ho). You should also get checked out for other sexually transmitted infections at your local young people’s clinic or your family doctor.